The Relationship Archives: The First

Today we are going to start with the guy I lost my virginity to. I had several “boyfriends” before him but honestly, we mostly communicated via notes passed through friends and meeting up at the end of lunch to make out before classes. I’m not sure what I learned from them!


Let’s call this one The First. The First was a friend of a friend, who lived in a different town and was older than me – a recipe for any 15-year-old girl to go a bit weak at the knees. I wasn’t allowed out much as a child (because that’s what you are at 15, chums!) and especially not when my stepdad found out that I had a boyfriend that was older than me. So a lot of our relationship was long soppy texts, whispered phone calls and secret meetups (where we mainly engaged in “heavy petting” and on occasion we’re almost thrown out of various public places. What a classy girl.) Now, this guy was not traditionally attractive. But I fell in love with his words. We were together a while, and our relationship over text was passionate. Sometimes I think we would fight just because it kept things interesting. This is a trait I carried over into several later relationships but thankfully Steven is having none of it. He likes to talk about any issues like an actual grown-up – it’s pretty novel. 


We ended up breaking up for a number of reasons. Partially because we never saw each other, but also, he had told me he wanted to propose to me when I turned 16. I may be a romantic but I am also not about becoming a child bride and also my stepdad might have killed us both, dead on the spot. I had also been talking to a guy at school (who we will visit next time!) and realised that it was time to let go of The First. We actually broke up not long after having sex for the first time, which is a little awkward, but such is the social construct of virginity and the fragility of teen “relationships”; right? 


After we broke up, we would still keep in touch, in our overdramatic way. He wore the necklace he had bought me that I returned to him, and would cry a lot. I loved being caught up in the drama and a few times over the years, we almost ended up back together, or at the very least hooking up. It’s like we both wanted this big, romantic love story where we were supposed to be together, but we weren’t. 


What I learned from The First, is that I am a sucker for a guy who says the “right” things. I get swept up easily in a forced romance and I love the drama. Thankfully, I think I’ve grown out of drama now. At least that type of drama. Steven and I just don’t fight, and I don’t feel as though I miss it at all. You can be passionate without crying, shouting, desperate arguments (although this realisation took a while so expect more of it in other posts!). I did not, however grow out of loving words. If anything, I love them more than ever. It has caused me some issues in other relationships, as I need a partner to woo me with language. One word texts will never do! It also means I am a sucker for what people say. “I love you” is my kryptonite. It took me a long time to realise that it is possible for someone to tell you that they love you, when really they want to get you into bed and they know what girls like you are about. 


So that’s where we will leave it for today. I lost my virginity to a guy who said all the right words and thus began my desperate searching for a dramatic Nicholas Sparks novel romance, with Taylor Swift level drama. 


  1. Oh, Codie-we have all been in a relationship like that. Mine lasted three and a half years, on and off. I am well rid and sounds like you are too.

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