The (Broken) Vagina Monologues – Part 2: Let’s talk about Sex

(Finding pictures for this series is very difficult, but this flower is literally called Clitoria!0

Steven, my future husband, is a very attractive man. The most attractive, I would say, and when we first got together, I was insatiable. We would rock up to everything, slightly late, with sex hair and that glorious haze that follows new couples around post-coitus. It was amazing. He was amazing and, fuck it, I was amazing too. Everything was wonderful.

When I started third year (and it will become apparent later why this timing is relevant), I began to feel incredibly sore after sex. My va-jay-jay would feel as though there were knives inside (I checked. There were not.) for a good while afterwards and I would often end sex, not cuddling and falling asleep happily, but sat in a cold few inches of water in the bath. Not ideal. 

We couldn’t work out quite what was wrong. We tried different positions, but nothing seemed to work and Steven started to get very worried and reluctant to do the sexy times incase it hurt me. I, on the other hand, felt that the pleasure was worth the pain and so we “cracked on” with it. 

Eventually, I went to visit a doctor who sent me for a full STI MOT. I’m not ashamed to say that I have once had chlamydia. It wasn’t my finest moment but if it happens to 1 in 5 young people then I’m sure some of you reading this have had it at some point too and at this stage its NBD. 

So anywho, after being tested a million times and everything coming back negative they decided to have a good ol’ snoop-a-roo inside my lady parts. Of course, having a speculum (a weird duck-beak kinda thing that they put inside you and open so they can see better FYI) inside me wasn’t the best experience and actually kinda hurt.

Side note: One of the most difficult parts of this issue, is using the “correct” language. Apparently it’s not appropriate to tell your doctor that your vajayjay hurts like a mo’fo everytime you and the Boyf do sexy time. For some reason. 

After a few of those examinations where I was told everything was fine, and I insisted that it wasn’t, I started to get pain during sex too. So that was during and after. Fantastic. But still, the pleasure outweighed the pain. So we “ploughed” on. 

We went to Budapest in the November and their natural spa springs are said to help with digestion and sexual health. The first time we had sex after bathing in them (in the dark, and the cold, it was amazing! 10/10 Would highly recommend!) it didn’t hurt and I cried. I sobbed like a baby and text my best friend to tell her. It was an amazing feeling. 

But the next time, when we were back in rainy ol’ England, it hurt again.

WTF body. This wasn’t the plan…