As a parent, it can be challenging to stop feeling guilty about your divorce. You want it to be over quickly, but there is an emotional toll that it takes on you and you worry about how it might impact your kids.
The trick to solving this problem is to go through the proper emotional work. If you get it right, you can make a lot of progress in a short space of time.
Here’s what to do:
Validate And Reframe Your Feelings
The first step is to validate and reframe your feelings. You need to acknowledge your guilt and then see where it takes you.
For example, many people look at divorce as an overwhelmingly negative situation and a personal reflection upon them. However, it is also often the healthier choice for both partners. When you are alone, it often means that you can recalibrate and get your life back on track, which is better for kids.
This is often why top family solicitors do what they do. While they recognize the value of close-knit families, they also know that things can go seriously wrong and never recover.
Focus On Being Present
At the same time, you want to focus on being present. As a parent going through a divorce, it is very easy for you to direct all your attention at yourself and not at the things that you do have in your life, including your kids.
That’s why it is so critical to focus on your children and listen to what they have to say. The more you can be there for them during a challenging experience, the less affected they will feel by it.
Communicate Appropriately
Another thing you’ll want to do is to communicate with your kids appropriately. If they are old enough, you might want to talk to them about the divorce and what’s going on. You could also look into developing a new arrangement with your spouse to determine how to minimize the impact on the children, including living in separate properties but leaving out relationship details until they are older.
Celebrate Small Wins
You also want to get into the habit of celebrating small wins when they occur with your children. These could be brief moments of happiness or when they achieve something.
Doubling down on these is a good way to remind them that a divorce doesn’t necessarily have to impact their quality of life. While they might have a preference for parents to stay together, it isn’t always possible for them.
Forgive Yourself
Finally, you’ll want to focus on ways you can forgive yourself for what’s happening. Often marriages end for reasons that are outside the control of the individuals in the relationship, and sometimes they have to end. You may not have done anything wrong at all.
If you can let go of this guilt, it will help you to be a parent. You’ll be less focused on the negative aspects of your relationship or yourself, or more on what you can do.