I really intended to document a lot more of this pregnancy, especially with it being during a global pandemic. I imagined I would be one of those amazing bloggers who manages to post entertaining and informative weekly updates to look back on, but honestly, between a toddler, a business, gallstones and life I’ve barely managed to snap a few bump pictures!
And suddenly here I am in the third trimester! In fact, the only reason I have the time to write this right now is that my internet is down on my phone (which I was trying to tether with my laptop) and I’m sat in the car for the next 2 hours for my GTT, so I don’t have much else I can do!
It feels strange being pregnant at this stage of lockdown. I’m more sure I can really say that he’s a lockdown baby, or a pandemic baby or whatever, because although he was conceived in October and we went back into lockdown again shortly after, I know I’ve been pretty lucky to be able to have Steven at my scans, a chance of a home birth (crossing all my digits!) and the roadmap that suggests that we should be out of this by the time baby two makes his grand appearance.
That’s not to say it hasn’t been strange, and I can’t tell you how glad I am that this is baby number two. So far I’ve met my midwife once. In 28 weeks. My 12 week booking appointment was done over the phone, and my only “real” midwife appointment just involved blood pressure, and a wee sample (I’m an expert at peeing in a pot at this point.
I feel pretty lucky that Steven has been allowed to all my scans – although weirdly not the appointments right after. As we’ve done this before, that’s not really been an issue. We both know roughly what to expect and we know how lucky we are that he’s able to see the scans at all, so I’m certainly not about to complain that he can’t sit next to me while I watch my wee get dipped again, and asked if I’ve booked my vaccinations.
Wearing masks constantly isn’t ideal, and I was worried it would really ruin the scan experience – especially the precious private scans, but to be honest, once the jelly is on your belly and you can see a wiggly blob, you don’t really notice. Where I have found it hard is wearing a mask around a supermarket. I carry on doing it of course, cos y’know, Covid and that, but I have had a few experiences of feeling that I’m going to pass out because my poor lungs are squashed by baby, and I don’t feel I can quite get enough breath with a mask on.
It’s also probably silly, but I miss being able to make people feel my bump when he moves. I used to love grabbing someone’s hand mid-conversation and thrusting it on my tummy so they could feel Roo wiggle. So far only Steven has managed that and there’s a few people I’d love to share it with.
Not having been home, down South, since October also means that no one on my side of the family, or my friends down there have seen me pregnant this time, and again, it’s just a little thing but it makes me sad. I want them to tell me how fat I’ve gotten and get excited that we’re adding to our family. At this rate I’m going to give birth without anyone having seen me pregnant and it’ll be like I just found him in a gooseberry bush (which is where my mother claimed I came from).
Finally, and again, this is just a little one, but not being able to go into shops to buy things can really get you down. I’m lucky because I got to do the over-excited, overwhelming trawl of the shops to find the perfect pram last time, and I’m using the same one again because #thrifty but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to see clothes before I order them. To feel how soft little blankets are, and have a lovely little mooch around the baby section of TK Maxx, imagining my little boy in teeny tiny cardigans.
Overall, I’ve felt pretty lucky. We’ve not had a hugely different experience from last time, although I wonder if I’m so chilled about it because I’m planning a home birth. The thought of spending any time in labour, or post birth, without Steven makes me want to sob immediately. We do this parenting thing as a team (Although I won’t lie, it does feel like I do a lot more of the pregnancy and birth than he does, if I’m being picky), and the thought that he might not be able to stay with us after we birth our brand new baby makes me heart hurt. It’s part of the reason that we want a home birth as it is.
I’m also relying on baby groups being back open when the baby is born, because they were so important when I had Ruben. If they were taken away, and I wasn’t able to visit friends and family, I know I would really struggle.
I feel like I’m having an end of lockdown baby. In some ways still very much a weird mask-wearing, constant hand-sanitising, social distancing pregnancy, but also with a glimmer of hope and “normality” – whatever that is – on the horizon.
I just can’t wait to meet you little bean number 2 and I hope you’re not terribly offended that my documentation of your life so far has been shoddy at best!