I’m one of those people that loves to do little personality quizzes in order to find out about myself. Whether they’re the silly Buzzfeed ‘ How Compatible with Jim from The Office are you?’ (91% thank you very much) or the renowned Meyers Briggs type test (I was an INFJ but recently scored as an ENFP – who even knows?!), I just like to know.
The one that has actually been useful to my life, is the Five Love Languages. A short and simple ‘Would you rather’ type test which tells you your ‘love languages’ at the end – basically, how you like to be shown love.
The options in a nutshell are:
– Acts of Service. When someone helps you out with stuff (cooking dinner, grabbing your shopping, making you a snack, posting a package etc) to help with your everyday life.
– Words of Affirmation. Being told that you’re loved and appreciated. Pretty simple really.
– Physical Touch. Not as saucy as it sounds, this is basically liking to be close to someone, holding hands, casual contact.
– Quality Time. Not just spending time together, but actual, quality time. Phones down, eye contact – all those things we easily forget to do!
– Receiving Gifts. Again, this isn’t exactly as it seems. You don’t necessarily want diamonds at every opportunity, but small tokens to show that your partner is thinking of you, are appreciated.
Steven & I have both completed the test and interestingly, both came out entirely different. My top scores were equally Acts of Service, and Words of Affirmation. This rings true as I really love and appreciate when Steven helps me out if I’m feeling stressed. For example, right now I am desperately getting this post written and Steven is doing the washing up so that I have one less thing to worry about. As a writer (or at least something close), I am a big fan of words. Luckily Steven is rather good with them and knows how to make me feel special with words.
Steven’s were Quality Time and Physical Touch. I don’t think I would have guessed both of these before the test, but now they make so much sense. Steven often doesn’t care what we do, as long as we are together. (Vom). Even food shopping is a nice occasion if we go together. I like that Steven is afraid of a little PDA. Don’t get me wrong, there is a line, but holding hands in public is something that makes me happy, and if it works for him too – fab!
It’s interesting because Steven scored zero for Receiving Gifts, yet I will often pick up little tokens when I’m out. Now that I know that it’s not a big deal for him, I will probably cut down a little (I could never stop!) and replace it with some (cheaper!) quality time instead.
So, I guess I just wanted to talk about this because it’s really been a great insight to our relationship and I’m sure it could be for yours too! Whether you’re married, in a polyamorous relationship, or single, it’s useful to know what your love language is. Even if you’re rocking the Asexual life, love can come from friends and family so it’s good to know (and tell others!) what you’re about!
There’s even an option to do it for your children!
The website has loads of extra info and resources on it which I am yet to explore, but I think it’s a really interesting concept and a great way of looking at your relationship.
And now I am off to spend some quality time with Mr Wright to say thank you for for doing the dishes.
If anyone does the test, let me know what you think!
Comments
This is a lovely post. Going to bookmark it for reference. We need to spend more quality time with our spouses.
This is quite interesting and I would love to know what it says for me… Okay, so I took the test mid comment haha! I got the same as you, words of affirmation and acts of service! Physical touch was the least but I knew that already as I hate people in my space and any sort of PDAs.
I think it definitely makes you think about your relationship more and what you could work on together, especially if you didn’t even realise that the other didn’t particularly like something or need something that the other kept on doing. Could be a really good starting point for a conversation
Charli xx
Haha, I’m glad you took the test! I think it’s good for any partner to know that rather than holding your hand in public, you would be much more appreciative of kind words, or them doing something to help you out 🙂 I think sometimes we just assume what the other person wants, and it’s so much more meaningful for it to be something that they actually enjoy.
🙂 x
I love this test too. I’ve had the book about it for a while. It is so handy because it helps you to speak the others person love language more. You have a better idea what makes them feel loved and you can be intentional about it. Loved your post too.
I would love to read the book! I really like your wording about being ‘intentional’ about it. It’s a nice way of putting it and I really am more intentional with my partner now 🙂
My husband and I have different love languages too. The Five Love Languages is really a great book and so inspirational showing us all the ways in which we can love people.
I think it’s really interesting that you were buying Steven gifts when his love language is quality time. I guess that just goes to show that even if you think you know someone, there is always the opportunity to learn more. He may have loved the gifts, but the time with you was what was most important. 🙂